A New Take On Resolutions–The Middle Way Takes You There

Well Happy New Year beloved visitors to my blog! I am so grateful that many still come to read and share my articles here, despite that I’ve been incapable of sustaining a regular 2014 post schedule. The good news is, that I’ve been very busy living Life (read: getting my a** kicked, and kicking much a**) which means that I have more than ever to write about and share in the coming year (gotta love those pearls you find in the trenches).

So on a very personal level, I’m feeling the excitement of bringing a new energy to SpiritFull in 2015 (which began percolating with my spring rebirth, which I wrote about in the April 2014 Rite & Ritual post, following a long existential crisis, and at that time, a recent miscarriage).

So then, I am animating this place again, with new posts forthcoming and new formats ready to roll out that offer varied ways for expressing more aspects of myself and my work.

Today I am inspired by a prior New Year’s post which I wrote in the wamma-jamma year of 2012. (Anybody remember that year—hype, prophecy, mayan calendar conclusion, & the rumblings of a transforming humanity that for once did not disappear or find itself lost forever at ocean’s bottom somewhere, but rather withstood and integrated frequency elevation—and lives now to learn and tell about sustained human life on the “other side”.)

The Paradox of Life reveals itself through this article, as we can see that the more things change, the more they stay the same.

All that to say that even as the changes catalyzed in 2012 continue to place humanity in very new places, “The Middle Way Takes You There” is as relevant today as it was then.

The zero point energy arrives at the end of cycles. The conclusion of 2014 is a cycle we are all experiencing together, independently. We can use zero point to bring balance to extremes and gentleness to areas we desire to improve or change.

As you set personal intentions for an abundant 2015, consider first: what can you do today that you weren’t able to do 12 months ago? And make sure to celebrate that!

I look forward to sharing with you here this year. Check back often and join me.

With the Virginal Excitement of a new year, Leigh xo

And now, on to the article:
The Middle Way Takes You There
IMG_40897785628233

Spirit-full

As we shift now, marked by the end of ancient calendars and the beginning of a new year, there seems to be a call for a transcendence and reconciliation of the extremes and opposing ways in our life.

Having survived the polarizing period marked by the end of humanity’s 26,000 year cycle, and the conclusion of another year in our personal lives, we continue to travel around the circle of life as we embark on new beginnings.

We often celebrate the end of a year by setting intentions of some kind for the next.  In this way, we generally say, “I want to stop doing this and start doing that.”

However, whether we are looking forward globally as a collective, or personally as an individual, moving from the extreme of this to the opposite extreme of that involves a massive change.

Idealism aside, in most cases such moves are unrealistic. …

View original post 970 more words

Rite & Ritual: Creating a Container for Transformation

The winding roads of winter led me through a soul’s dark night.

Having emerged, I feel much like a sprout rising through warm, fertile ground into sunlight. Spring ushers in renewal and a fresh cycle in my life.

During the long, harsh winter—when a princess crossed the threshold marking her transition into queen—the land was cold and dark. Harsh winds brought with them sweeping change, feelings of isolation, unexpected loss and emotional purging. With that came the opportunity to feel into my depths and reclaim myself.

At cycle’s end, pain finally shattered into tiny, dissolving pieces—and light broke through. Within myself I had discovered an invincible spring.

I awoke from the night recognizing that I was somehow different. A shift had occurred and the trappings of winter no longer held their appeal. Naked in my room, it felt necessary to externally reflect this change. Simple choices now seemed extra-ordinarily important at twilight on this new dawn.  As I laid to rest my grieving persona, black-grey attire, and board-straight hair of the former season, I prepared for a spring day.

Pulling a yellow shirt from my closet, I dabbed on a hint of rose pink lip balm and haphazardly tied my hair up with a print sash.

Walking outside to feel the warmth, I stood barefoot in the grass. Cooing doves and mating birds played in treetops all around me. Nature danced in celebration of spring’s arrival—and I felt right in sync.

The sights and sounds of abundant-life had indeed returned.

While watching the natural world perform spring rituals, the wild-woman within me knew that I too must acknowledge my entrance into a new place and time. Feeling my inner spirit’s call to mark this passage, I was moved to use symbolic ritual.

As Old As Time

Rite and ritual have been used to acknowledge human-transformation since the beginning of time. Serving to give meaning to the natural cycles of life, rituals are a way that we acknowledge a division between the sacred and profane.

Ceremonial or determined modes of action, rituals can serve to celebrate or summon the expression of special, extraordinary, idealistic, supernatural, transcendent or otherwise spiritually significant occurrences or passages.

Rituals can take the form of repetitive actions performed over time, or as a single symbolic act. The inspiration for a ritual can be to reenact a spiritually significant event, celebrate a personal transition, acknowledge a leap in consciousness, or hold powerful intent to bring about positive change.

Rituals create a container for life experiences which are initiated, recognized or felt before they are seen. These container-walls provide a defined place for the happenings of personal growth.

The Making of a Ritual

The most powerful rite, ritual or ceremonial action is one that emerges from an organic impulse within and involves personal feelings, beliefs, and symbolic meaning. This kind of act or practice is born from the essence of our own truth and experience.

In addition, there are common characteristics of ritual which can be used to create these personal spiritual-containers in our own life.

As a vehicle for change and transformation, rituals will generally:

–>Involve the senses: By engaging all of the senses through creative use of natural elements, images, colors, movements, sounds and meaningful objects from our journey we can bypass our conscious-thinking-mind and connect with our unconscious-intuitive-knowing.

–>Set apart certain experiences as meaningful: Offering our time, sincerity and thoughtfulness are ways that we mark something as important and worthy of respect. Performing a series of actions which have been appointed this type of meaning can bring about feelings of well-being and certainty as well as invoke the inspiration needed for committed-action toward lofty-goals and habit-change.

–>Appoint a specific time as sacrosanct: A potent power of ritual is its ability to set off certain times as sacred and outside of the mundane. Rituals have potential to transport you to a timeless place. Serving to remove you from the ordinary-flow of life, they can place you in sacred-time when roles and statuses held day-to-day are temporarily suspended. It is outside the realm of ordinary-time-space that rituals hold their magic and power.

–>Appoint a physical space as sacred: Stepping into a dedicated space created by ritual, we can leave the clamoring of the external world behind and engage in a series of activities that nourish mind, body and spirit. Entering this space can assist us in accessing deeper levels of consciousness and to facilitate a rapid reconnection with the higher ideals that fuel us.

–>Appoint symbolic meaning: Rituals often involve “sacred” articles. Such symbolic items are acknowledged as agents of meaning and utility. Personal symbols and metaphors that emerge during transitional passage often become enduring reminders of peace and wellbeing.

The Power and Function of a Spiritual Container

Rituals help us to balance the work of our outer and inner lives. In our physical reality naturally there is a great deal of focus and acknowledgment given to external experience—that which can be seen and measured. However much of life’s journey is made up of intangible, interior experiences.

The big, wamma-jamma, awe-inspiring moments in life often involve personal growth, moments of transcendence, cycles of death and rebirth, and metaphysical passages into new levels of existence.

As important and palpable as these beyond-ordinary moments can feel, it is easy to disregard or discount them along the way. They become crowded out by the external sights, sounds and demands of life. For this reason, rites and rituals can serve an important function.

Here are five powers of ritual:

1. ACKNOWLEDGE: Rituals acknowledge personal shifts by taking action to honor a great change under gone. A rite-of-passage is often a major turning point in life which helps us connect the mysterious dots and see patterns and cycles which might otherwise appear to be random happenings in our life.

2. DEFINE: Pinnacle shifts on our journey can be so transformative that they serve to divide our life into ‘before and after’. Defining phases in our life can be a powerful way to facilitate life transitions. Often, the personal growth triggered by major life events such as these occur silently as inner-experiences and take place in isolated ways. Private ritual then can help to define an accurate demarcation point in our consciousness experiences.

3. SOLIDIFIES: Ritual marks something as official. It provides some formality or mental permanence and creates a solid “container” within which important processes can happen.

4. ANCHORS: When we make a big deal out of meaningful shifts and transitions, we anchor them into our life in a way which holds us in remembrance and accountability to the growth and change. Without this, these big-time life transitions can be easily lost or forgotten, and possibly even lose their meaning.

5. AUTOMATES: The repetition of sacred patterns or actions can automatically trigger the flow of what is needed for a particular manifestation, expression, creation, or embodiment. Through conditioning, ritualistic acts can assist us in rapidly accessing deeper levels of consciousness and bring about shifts in mindset and mood.

Honoring My Passage & Celebrating the Return of Light

As for me, I have created a number of simple but significant ritual acts to mark this period of positive change.

As a reflection of the immense self-love that I recently realized for the first time—not intellectualized ideas of self-love, but rather a sincere love and desire to cherish myself as God loves me—I now view my body with a newfound respect. Body and beauty rituals have become a natural expression of this new level of understanding of my divine feminine vessel. Purposeful practices involving essential oils, rose water, sea salt, skin brushing, hydrotherapy and physical purification have become high-vibe practices to honor and care for my beloved body.

Symbolic items of meaning and utility have also been central for me in marking my arrival into this new place. The act of using specific colors, objects and stones with certain properties has provided both self-expression and remembrance of my passage. The practice of adorning my body, and infusing my environment, with the energy and substance of these inspirational pieces is a practical and effective way to anchor these energies of change in my day-to-day.

Starting my day with a daily practice involving several things including reciting a meaningful mantra, “I am completely comfortable with the integration of my life” has created a powerful demarcation point for me. Serving as a reminder, these are also the words I drop into my experience when I begin feeling frustrated or get lost in a day. Seeing the matrix of wholeness that makes up my life, I no longer feel the need to maintain division between this part and that, which creates a great deal more flow and time for all good things.

A sacred-writing-ceremony was an important way for me to acknowledge, and not indulge the impulse to minimize, this new life cycle. By writing about the transition, I located my clarity, owned my experience, and admitted that it was a real shift in my life.

Additionally I am in the process of creating two sacred spaces: a wild-flower garden in my back yard where I can “bury” things (the act of planting new seeds in the ground and the symbolic nature of the wild flowers is significant) and an altar in my studio (a small, sacred place for personal reflection, gratitude, and prayer where meaningful totems, inspiring texts, and all that invokes harmony and flow for me can be easily accessed).

Bringing Ritual Back

Rituals can create a container for the process of transformation. Creating and performing meaningful rituals also serves to give meaning to the natural cycles of life.

Rituals can take the form of repetitive actions performed over time, or as a single symbolic act. The inspiration for a ritual can be to reenact, celebrate, acknowledge, summon, or hold powerful-intent.

In our age of constant-change and instant-everything, we have moved away from rituals. We are too busy, there is no time. And in cynical moments, the idea of change and transformation can become common and belittled.

However when we discount our big shifts by thinking that maybe it’s not really a big deal or that everyone is doing it, it diminishes self-confidence and our personal will to follow through.

The energy of spring is known to bring about abundance and fresh insight. Cycles of change, growth, expansion, and visions-of-a-new-way-forward are supported by the season and may be more easily accessed. A catalyst for the energies of resurrection, regeneration, and old things morphing into new–you may find inspiration for ritual now in your own life.

Whether you want to get a tattoo or shave your head; start a fire and burn something that represents what you are shedding; perform the act of blessing a space with sage and prayer to prepare it for a daily sacred practice; sign up for yoga; redecorate your home with items of meaning; insert a purposeful color into your environment; or host a rebirth party and invite all your friends—honoring a personal shift, or performing determined modes of action that cultivate an elevated state of existence, can have a profound effect on your daily life.

New Article To Be Released This Week (Teaser Inside)

Hey there brilliant, sensitive, big-hearted people!

I am trusting the natural flow of things, and allowing for one more small delay. I have learned that pushing things through never goes well for me… so I am taking another day or two to complete the very special article that I am brewing for you in my alchemical den.

The upcoming post is about using rite & ritual to honor big shifts and passages in our lives and to create a clearly defined demarcation point marking endings and new beginnings. A perfect topic as we transition from the dark and cold season of winter into the abundant and illuminating season of spring.

As I shared before, this year began with a number of unforeseen life-events and happenings. Projected time-lines and goals got pushed back (and pushed back, and pushed back again) as I incorporated the new aspects of myself coming forward. I am excited to share more about this with you in my future articles.

Next article coming out this week.

Thank you for bringing your magnificent energy here, I can feel you.

Leigh

How Are You Wielding Your Knife?

When I first began my wellness journey I connected with a holistic spiritual center. This was my first exposure to the metaphysical world. Interestingly many of the teachers there were Korean and spoke very broken English, and yet I experienced more connection and communication with them in many ways than I often shared with native folk around me. The teachers seemed to see something in me. It was the first time I was acknowledged and appreciated for my sensitivity.

During this fertile period of personal growth and awakening, I was seeking answers to questions I had both about the direction of my life and some health issues with which I was dealing. In response to a number of physical symptoms that were spiraling into what appeared to be some kind of deterioration of my health, my teacher began speaking to me in the language of metaphor offering wisdom that has prompted me forward on many occasions, despite distraction or obstacles.

She said: “You possess within your being a powerful knife. This knife can be good for many things. Having such a knife is a privilege. You can chop things with your knife, carve things with your knife, and create many things with your knife. Some people may look to you and say that you are lucky because you possess a knife. However, having a knife like this comes with great responsibility. If you do not use your knife it can become a destructive device that will cause self-harm.”

The energy and information transmitted to me in that moment took some time to fully grasp. I pondered this concept for some time. However as I continued to grow in awareness, I began to fully absorb the message she had given.

Over time I realized that my knife was my abundance of creative energy which comes in part from being a channel between the higher and lower. Actively expressing this energy required the using of my gifts and talents–this was “using my knife”. The fact that I was a pretty lost individual at the time, still trying to cram myself into the standard mainstream box while stuffing down my eccentric differences, was a primary reason for my physical ailments. My knife was cutting me.

Unexpressed creative energy is a common cause of illness, addiction and depression. To simplify this idea, let’s boil it down to your gifts and talents (your knife). No matter who you are, you are born with some specific talent, gift or capacity. Within your very distinct talents there is an abundance of creative energy.

So the singer then must sing; the artist must paint; the craftsman must build; the healer must heal; the communicator must communicate; the cook must prepare food; and the writer must write.

Time today is pretty tight. The demands of having a solid job and steady income ends up taking up a great deal of our time and energy. Often the jobs we work at may not be aligned with our unique gift which we have been endowed with by Spirit. This gift then, is unexpressed.

The one with the outstanding singing voice, for example, works from 9 to 5 and then rushes home to love and care for her child; she does not sing.

Understandably, this noble and responsible behavior is well understood and even respected. But despite the good intentions of this non-singing singer, on some level her unexpressed gift is causing her grief or harm.

The non-singing singer will most likely feel dissatisfied with her life, maybe even drained or depressed. Life zooms by and there is little time to connect all the dots to understand the true source of her discontent. In fact, she will most likely blame things outside of herself. Rarely does one just rise up in the midst of the often harsh reality of life and say, “well if I just used my god given gift and burst out in song today, then all would be healed”.

Yet, that is the truth of the matter. Putting the demands of life aside, you have an absolute responsibility to use your knife.

Spirit endows us all with something special that we are to bring into the material realm, and expressing this creative energy is important. It brings us into alignment with our divine blueprint, our true and highest, healthiest version of our self, and places a unique puzzle piece in its destined spot within the whole. This is a puzzle piece that cannot be filled by any other.

At the end of the day, monetizing our gifts so that we can be one with the expression of this creative energy is an ideal that we can always work towards. However, if this is not a reality for us at this very moment in time, we still have to use our knife.

Wielding your knife as a hobby, in your private time, as a free gift you share with others in self-determined ways, or just for pleasure, is a must.

More often than not the depressed, sick, addicted or lost adult that is suffering in some way is the beholder of an unexpressed talent or gift with much trapped creative energy (usually in the solar plexus region). The angry, antisocial, or hyper child with behavior challenges most probably has a very special gift that has yet to be uncovered or developed.

The creative energy of these super powers is unrelenting, and does not neutralize just because we decide we cannot afford to express it.

Discovering what kind of knife you possess, and finding a way to use it regularly in your life, will alter your life forever. This is a key to feeling better, being happier, becoming whole, losing excess weight, healing your body, and connecting to the higher depths of your life.

Do you know what your knife is? Have you used it before, but laid it down or left it behind? Do you remember how it felt to use your knife? How can you start using your knife today?

Romanticizing, Ridiculing & Avoiding

The present moment contains in it both the energy of the past and the future

Although our minds have an almost compulsive need to drive in reverse or screech forward, disciplining ourselves to stay fully focused in the here and now is where power and peace reside.

A simple concept and one that has become quite the buzz, staying totally present and engaged in the present moment at all times is arguably the biggest challenge we face in a day.

It is all too tempting to journey down memory lane, to analyze every detail of yesterday, or to fantasize about the dreams of tomorrow. 

These mental trips take us out of the reality of here and now.  This thinking can become something of a trance, taking you on a “trip” and causing you to agonize over, or exaggerate the greatness of, that which is being considered.   We generally either remember it to be worse or think it up to be better than it really is or will be. 

Distorting Mind-Play:  The Tendency to Romanticize or Ridicule              

Looking backwards is a slippery slope.  It is tempting to remember the good ol’ days, to analyze what we believe to be a personal historical mistake in order to glean wisdom from our error, or to think about what is yet to be. 

Our perspectives however are colored by many things.  Thoughts that come up are rarely neutral.  Mental meandering is generally either romanticized or ridiculed, creating guilt and shame, or unrealistic expectations which may never be obtained

Often the tiny real life details of the moment that led up to the experience that is under review are forgotten.  These are the nitty-gritty details that the mind likes to gloss over. 

Likewise, the real-life occurrences that will culminate to make up the future is unaccounted for when we dream about being somewhere in the future other than here and now.  The ivory-tower thinking changes dramatically when grounded by practical experience.

Backwards, forward, and sideways–the mind will analyze, distort, and drain out all magic from these experiences–turning them into a mangled mess.  

The Ego’s Positive & Negative Delusions

Perfect examples of this can be seen in common triggers for people.

Often rather than finding their own passion and creating a life all their own, many girls dream of the future day that a perfect man will come rescue her from the average life she now lives.  In this future fueled fantasy she will live a picture perfect life free of struggle and void of all suffering.

Likewise, many people tend to romanticize the past and engage in delusional thinking about prior experiences or relationships.  Prime examples of this are the men and women who remember a previous partner with irrational fondness despite the fact their time with that person was riddled with perpetual negativity and issues.  Yet, when escaping the now moment by traveling down memory lane wearing their rose-tinted lenses, all that is remembered is the glossy-image-of-perfection that this relationship and person supposedly embodied. 

Another mental trap that contains a myriad of blind spots is when parents spend time agonizing on the errors or inadequacies of how they raised their children.  Here, the past is often distorted as there is a strong urge for parents to beat themselves up.  They should have taken little Joe on more bike rides or played dolls more with little Suzie.  The parent however was doing many important things with, or for, Joe or Suzie instead of bike riding and doll playing.

It’s All Here in the Now

The evolution of life ensures that this very moment contains both the lessons of yesterday and the promise of tomorrow.  Both the present and past are contained in a relevant way within the energy of now.  Thus, everything needed to heal and create is right here and right now.  And the next step is only revealed to you when you are fully engaged in the present step.

As they say, this very moment is a gift, which is why it is called the present.

We may cause ourselves much guilt, pain and suffering when we look backwards; and we could set ourselves up for preconceived resentments with unrealistic expectations when we set our future fantasies up in order to escape reality.  Each of these are acts of rejecting the here and now.

Embracing the now, accepting the here, and gently guiding the energy forward with respect for where we have been, and inspiration for what may lie ahead, allows us to bask in the present peace offered in each gifted minute of every blessed day. 

 

 

The Human GPS: Learning to Follow Your Divine Internal Navigation System

GPS devices can give good directions.  We frequently use them in cars today to provide a map which directs us on exactly how to get to our desired destination.   

As human-beings we are well-equipped with an Internal Guidance System that functions in a manner similar to this ever-popular GPS device.  Our Inner Guidance System can help us navigate through life’s storms and winding roads.   

Intuition vs. Internal Navigation System

We all have gut instincts, hunches and internal nudges which we pick up on from time to time.  Yet “intuition” is a kind of knowing something, without knowing how you know. 

Being led by your Internal Human Guidance System is different, and goes beyond this kind of intelligence.  Working with this form of guidance requires attuning to mind-body signals with acute sensitivity and discernment. 

The internal GPS lets you know at the energy and body level, of the slightest misalignment when you are off-track. Likewise, it can also signal to you when you are precisely on point.

Similar to when you are playing a game that involves looking for something that has been hidden, and the person who hid it from you tells you that either you are getting warmer as you near the object or colder as you move away from it—your Inner Guidance tells you when you are in alignment with highest good, and when you are off-track.

Detecting the Signals: Contraction & Expansion

Whether we realize it or not, we are always getting these indicators as we journey on our life path.  And yet, when we find ourselves at forks in the road and things get confusing and intense, we begin seeking guidance from outside of ourselves.  

Learning to tune into the Inner Navigation System allows us to tap into divine guidance as it flows within ourselves (often as a response to prayer or summoning). 

Just as the GPS sits on the dash of your car, the Human Navigation System runs in the physical area of the body between the throat and abdomen (this is where the internal guidance signals are able to be received, felt, and detected).  Here, we have both the energy centers (chakras) and physical centers (anatomy) which will pick up the divine intelligence instantaneously as it flows outward in response to that which is being thought, spoken, or experienced.

The two primary signals/sensations received and felt here are:

-Contraction: feels dense, heavy, tight, paralyzed / indicates stop, stuck, frozen / red light / go no further along this path 

-Expansion: feels light, spacious, inspired / indicates movement, flowing / green light / continue on this path for it is taking you toward your desires and your highest good

There are many sensations that come about from the contraction of energy.  Most of us know the clamping down feeling that comes over us which is usually accompanied by some sort of fear, worry, anxiety or rushing; this is a form of contraction.

When we feel contraction as we are considering a big move, thinking about a relationship, contemplating our current job, or trying to make any significant decision, this is guidance telling us that something about what we are processing is not in alignment and is not leading to our highest good. Adjustments may need to be made.

Further, there are countless sensations that come out of the expansion of energy.  We know the feeling of flow, relief, and peace that moves through us which is accompanied by certainty, well-being, bliss or inspiration.

When we feel expansion as we are weighing our options about a health concern, strategizing on the best approach for meeting our business goals, or pondering whether we should invest our time getting to know someone we just met better—this is our Internal Guidance System indicating that this certain-something is in alignment and leading us closer to, or more toward, the expression of our divine blueprint, personal desires, and highest good.

Tapping Into the Divine Guidance Within

Legitimate messages from our Inner Guidance System are flowing through us all-day, every-day.  Of course it is natural and healthy to connect with others, ask for guidance and seek counsel when we are confused or need to gain some perspective.  However, the time has come to balance that tendency with the heeding of our own inner guidance above that of experts, gurus, horoscopes, teachers, parents, and friends.

As highly sensitive-beings we are currently flooded with these signals from our Human GPS, making us fully equipped to remain connected to our highest path even in the harshest of circumstances if we are willing to take the time and develop the skills to discern the information that is ever flowing through us. These signals are indicators of our alignment or misalignment with the divine in our own lives.

By no means is using our Internal Navigation System easy and effortless, but it is always available to us. As we run about in the dark trying to find our way without an instruction manual, we can always tune into whether we are experiencing contraction (stuck-ness) or expansion (flow) regarding any matter, and adjust accordingly.

You Are One of A Kind—A Look At Personal Value & Self Worth

Today’s culture sends a lot of mixed messages which can easily throw off our views about what makes us a worthwhile person.  In our age of flash, speed, and material abundance sometimes it is easy to get our signals crossed when it comes to our self-worth and personal value. 

We humans are multi-dimensional beings who enjoy many layers of existence, both inside and out, all contributing to the whole of who we are.  However, often when it comes to what we feel our value is, we think about our personal measure of power, success, beauty or wealth.

The way we perceive our own worth as a person has a profound influence on every aspect of our lives.  Limited, inflated or distorted views of self-worth can undermine our efforts to change or create better or different lives, or even lead us to believe we are only good for one reason. Personal crisis can result from believing our value is aligned with a transient trait or temporary state of being.

Take for example these common scenarios:

A man is big and strong and has placed a great deal of his focus in life on the ability to excel by using aggressive force.  A sudden change resulting in an insult to his physical strength such as an injury causes serious issues around his self-worth as he does not know who he is in life without that ability. If I am not a man of great physical strength, then what is my value?

A woman completely consumed with being a mom places all of her focus on mothering her child.  Her good intentions result in her entire identity becoming wrapped up in caring for the child and the nuances of the child’s life.  As the child begins to grow up the mom may begin feeling useless and lose her sense of value because her self-worth is exclusively aligned with the act of being a good mom. If I am not needed as a mother, then what is my value?

A person is very attractive and has primarily identified with simply showing up in the world as a beautiful woman or handsome man using their good-looks to influence and please others.  As time ticks by, any significant changes to their appearance such as weight gain, aging, or physical scarring that mars their face or body can cause drastic issues around what their value is as a person now that they are no longer extraordinary in the area of beauty. If I am not a person of exceptional beauty, then what is my value?

A person has exceled in the area of career and has focused a high amount of their energy on job success at the expense of other areas of their life.  A sudden and unexpected change in business results in them losing their job causing a decrease in their sense of self-worth because they placed their value as an individual primarily with their professional success and being at the top of their field. If I am not a huge success in my business, then what is my value?

A person identifies with being the bread-winner in a relationship and gains their sense of power and personal value from being able to take care of everyone around them financially while using their money as the primary means of contributing.  A change in financial status can cause severe pain and a decline in their sense of self-worth since they perceived so much of their own personal value to be their ability to relate and connect to others through the exchange of money. If I do not have money to support my partner, friends and family, then what is my value?

UNDERSTANDING THE TRUE NATURE OF PERSONAL VALUE

Our individual talents and special traits are important gifts from us to the world. They are part of your whole-ness, and need to be enjoyed and expressed. And being exceptional in certain areas, or spending the bulk of our time on the life-functions that we most enjoy, is a key to our personal contentment.

Making value judgments based solely on these externalized roles or things however can cause us to be distracted, incomplete or shallow in our thinking. Often times when I have clients who are struggeling with a big transition, they are having a crisis related to their value; an area of their life that they interpreted as being an expression of their value is changing or expiring. When a part of ourselves we most identify with drasticly changes it will often leave us disoriented and confused about what we have lost and who we are in the world without it.

Although on an intellectual level we know as people that how much money we have, how many miles we run a day, how pretty we are, or how excessively detailed we are as a parent, are not true measures of self-worth–it does not stop us from leaning on these strengths and feeling that these dazzling attributes make up our value.

Mistaking abilities, looks, behaviors or material wealth as an expression of our value is like treasuring the outside box of a gift more than the true treasure inside.

ONE OF A KIND

I have witnessed great shifts in thinking when a client begins feeling into their greater-value as a being. This value far exceeds what we are good at in life, and is contained within our essence.  Essence is the intrinsic nature or indispensable quality of something.

Your essence is of great worth, and is always present, even when you are having a bad day or lose everything you thought to be prescious in the world.  You are a totally unique individual–one of a kind–and your energetic imprint is so rare that it is not shared by anyone else on the planet. Those external expressions we so highly value are merely a bit of icing on our gourmet cake.

Exploring this idea, and centering ourselves in the knowing that can and will eventually emerge from it, can be a great awakening of sorts. The liberation that can come from a personal practice that combines transcending the small ideas about our value with stretching to develop ourselves in well rounded ways as a human being (even if we consider ourselves to be “all-grown-up”) can create enhanced balance and well-being. Because even if you like being the bread-winner or the mom-of-the-year, you are still more than that.

The journey for playing with this idea can begin by:

–> Honoring the concept that you have an Essence that makes you YOU
–> Exploring parts of yourself that you have never considered a possibility
–> Considering what the flip side of your “weaknesses” are
–> Reactivating dormant aspects of yourself that you have left behind or neglected

Regardless of how we go about it, aligning with this deeper aspect of ourselves will keep us grounded in a vast sense of Self that is unchanging. When the kids go off to college, it is time to retire, or the wrinkles start to appear—we can feel rooted in the essence of who we are and continue to outwardly express and enjoy all our many dimensions.